Sunday, June 24, 2012
My first wedding anniversary with The Man is tomorrow. It’s hard to believe that it has been twelve months since we stood hand-in-hand amongst flowers and friends sharing our hearts and committing ourselves to each other. Looking back, I see a perfect day—one that expressed our hearts completely. We had no traditions for the sake of traditions – no hiding behind ceremony and pomp…..it was The Man and Me proclaiming our vows in a very vulnerable and dynamic way…with moments that twelve months from now I am still savoring!
It was a long journey getting from broken heart to fullness of life—it wasn’t easy! I spent many a night with a box of Tagalongs, a bottle of wine, and Under the Tuscan Sun. The Man pursued me with 80’s music I had never heard of, quotes from G. K. Chesterson, and through his love of cooking. We danced and we sang (actually he sang) and we debated everything from the Easter Bunny to music to whether or not dill should go in his Serbian salad. Our hearts intertwined through mutual respect and joy.
How easy it would have been to miss each other……
I have written many times about the importance of a List—you know, a thoughtful list of the type of person you would like to share your life with. Dating is one big job interview---seriously….you are looking at the person, their interactions, personality and character traits to see if you are a good match. If you can’t describe in detail the person you want to be with, how will you know if you find them?? We like to think that there is a big “aha” moment when we meet the “one.” The truth is, sometimes our own dysfunction gets in the way of reality.
Consider this: when one gets divorced, ideally, she will take time to look inside herself and grow and change to be a healthier person. Many people take years to unpack their issues – either on their own or in counseling to move to a better place in their lives. They begin to see the differences inside themselves and start considering a serious relationship. Sticking Point: if you choose the wrong person, you don’t have a chance to take off the training wheels and use the lessons you have learned to have a healthy relationship-----you go right back into CrazyVille and that train ain’t stoppin for nobody. It is easier to find the wrong person than the right person…….time always tells……and the wrong person can make anyone crazy!!!!
So back to my list and my butterflies….. Here is my list and here is the proof that I am a very, very lucky girl!!!
Passionate about God – this fits Veso to a tee……he eschews “religion” for the real deal----and lives his life as a person compassionate to others, giving and generous and seeks Truth. This is something I appreciate so much about him!!
Passionate about a cause. What I am learning is that it doesn’t have to be MY cause that he is passionate about – this one actually made me smile tonight.
Nice Dresser – seriously, it may seem shallow, but I want to be able to look across the room and think, “dang, my man looks awesome!!!.”
Has close friends - this is a must for me!
Attentive – This may be my favorite thing about him!!!!
Hangs back a bit….a watcher – After being with someone for many years who resented anyone who stole the limelight from him, I wanted to be able to shine on my own at times and not be resented for it. This was essential for my heart! I needed a man who measured his words and let others speak and who was perceptive of those around him. V is so secure in who he is that he doesn't have to prove his worth by dominating conversations....he is generous in his listening to others. He wants to get to know people on a real level and get beyond the surface.
Sweet – Check!
Wants to grow – How refreshing it is to be with a person who is ever improving and ever learning. It inspires me to do the same!!!!
Athletic – OMG – check!! I adore his soccer-man bootie!!! J
Makes things happen – check!
Close to his family – quite honestly, this was so, so, so important to me. I love my family and I could never be with someone who was ambivalent towards theirs. V is a good son, a good brother and a very good dad. I adore this about him!
Engages with other people – For a long time, I watched The Man on the soccer field—observing how he interacted with others and how they reacted to him. He truly engages with other people, encourages them, asks them about their lives and laughs…..I love his laugh!!!
Entreprenurial, Professional – check!
Likes Art, Music, Food, and Travel – Blessed am I that he is passionate about all these things!!!!!!
Has a list of things he wants to accomplish – check…..not a written out list, but he has a loose plan for sure!
Positive outlook – Very much so!!
Reads – He is a true truth seeker and is constantly reading and learning.
Likes to Dance – Hooray!!!!!!!!!! He is an 80’s dancing machine!!!!
Spontaneous – Way more than me for sure!!!
How lucky am I to have found someone who completely fits the bill!! It doesn’t matter how “nice” they are or how “cute” they are or how many butterflies they put in our insides….. they have to be right for you. My list is not your list….my priorities are not your priorities….. what matters is being focused on the type of partner you need in life and becoming a good partner yourself.
I feel quite blessed that The Man and I crossed each other’s paths and that we stopped long enough to realize that we were indeed a good fit……. Had we not paid attention, we would have missed it. He is the love of my life….a partner in the truest sense. He sees me----really “Sees” me and gives me the confidence to be even More “Me.”
Love you, Babe! Happy Anniversary!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Well, normally I try really hard to be understanding, compassionate and the kind of ex-wife that pretty much stays out of things. For the most part, my Ex and I have had an understanding of a kind of pseudo mutual respect---ish that I have tried to honor. Actually, I was just thinking about this today on the way home from celebrating Father's Day with my family. Until now....
Despite being father's day......sometimes enough is enough though. Here is the deal....... and forgive my less than compassionate, mostly ticked off self.....but you know....this is a blog....so take it or leave it. If it is your first time reading I apologize in advance.....sometimes a girl has to do what she has to do.
For those of you contemplating divorce.....just know that you will have meltdowns over a simple garden fork....that normally you are kind and reasonable.....but one little bitty thing will set everyone over the edge. My X ---- a christian man---considers himself a "good" person....one full of charity and grace.....except when he deals with his unreasonable ex-wife who simply asked him to replace something that he has broken.....she is not asking him to pay for expenses like college that were agreed to in the divorce decree that "technically" she could force.....she is not asking for the title of her car that technically....is in the divorce decree that he move over.....she is simply asking for a replacement of a simple garden fork----to which he refuses.....
Now I know that my ex is a fan of my blogs........and today he even suggested that I blog about this....that maybe it would make me feel better......so taking his advice, here you go.
My Ex graciously (and I mean that---no sarcasm at all) allowed me to dig up a few of my grandmother's flowers in my old residence. See, I spent many, many years bringing flowers from my grandma's house to the farm to bring a bit of home back to good ole Indiana. Now that I have a yard of my own, I wanted a few flowers from my recently deceased grandma to remind me of her. My daughter, her boyfriend and I proceeded to dig up a few plants to transplant.
The minute I returned home from digging a few flowers, I realized what had happened (that I had left the garden fork) and my daughter called my ex to tell him that we left it there........ He said he looked but didn't find it. (oh how I have heard that line many, many times). The chickadee asked again, no garden fork----now this was left right by the house.....not way out in the yard.....right by the house
Yeah - and so the lawnmower just happened to run over the invisible fork---totally decimating it. Totally. He was apologetic......said he was sorry, but when I asked if we would replace it, he said "no." Totally dumfounded, I asked, "Seriously, you aren't going to replace something of mine that you broke??" No. No. No. No. It was my fault because I left it. Then he ridiculously asked me if I was going to repair the foundation to the house because I dug up a HOSTA that is less than six inches in the ground next to the walk that was dug up a few weeks ago----yeah----we have had ZERO rain, this is a teeny tiny hole that was there a few weeks. I wouldn't even consider it a hole...... #$(#$)&#)(*$#_(*$
Soooooo......my ex made me this deal, if I would give him my grandma's chicken and dumplin recipe, then he would replace my garden fork in a few weeks. My grandma's world famous chicken and dumplin recipe....... it was an expensive garden fork....... decisions.....decisions..... decisions.....
Here is what I have decided......see if you can read between the lines....
So yeah, I am probably gonna need an attorney now......cause he is probably pissed....... but MY GRANDMA'S CHICKEN AND DUMPLIN RECIPE IS FOR FAMILY AND YOU NO LONGER QUALIFY!